This document serves as a resource that Pagan clergy in the greater DC metropolitan area can use to help other Pagans within their groups prepare for end-of-life decisions, including the settling of their estate, body disposition and funeral arrangements.

This document does not purport to give legal advice. Individuals should contact a registered member of the bar in their jurisdiction of residence in all legal matters.

Compiled and written by Angela Roberts, 2003.

Death is an integral part of the cycle of life. Pagans celebrate birth, life, and even death. At Samhain, many of us voluntarily cross the veil between the worlds to communicate and honor our ancestors, and to learn about the Otherworld. Although many Pagan traditions embrace death as a necessary transition in life, most Pagans only think of their own deaths in a very general way.

Very few Pagans come from Pagan families, and some have kept their Pagan beliefs secret from their legal families and/or next of kin. When someone in the Pagan community dies, their families commonly hold a funeral within their religious tradition either without concern for, or even knowing of, the deceased’s values, beliefs, or wishes. How many of us have held a separate memorial service for a Pagan friend, teacher, priestess, or coven sib after a mainstream religious service held by the family?

It is my fervent hope that Pagans clergy and groups can use this guide as a springboard for not only discussing the serious issues surrounding end-of-life decisions and funeral arrangements amongst each other and our legal families, but also for putting the legal necessities in place that will state our wishes when we are unable.

Talking about one’s death or that of a loved one is never easy. Even thinking about what will happen to one’s stuff can be daunting. Some may feel that open discussions about death (especially when one not sick or old) is morbid. But by openly acknowledging our discomfort and talking honestly about death, members of Pagan groups can find a new emotional intimacy with the people who share many of the same views, beliefs, and values. We share energy in circle, and we often become closer to each other than we are with our legal families. By discussing death in our groups and making arrangements for our end-of-life care, our bodies, our funerals, and our stuff, we can help our both our Pagan families and our legal families honor our spirits and celebrate our lives.

Learning about death empowers us as we moved away from the position a fear that is so prevalent in our culture. As we can experience in ritual, when we travel to the Otherworld and face our fears and our death we come back to our lives with a renewed sense of who we are and what is of value to us. Facing the practicalities of death and dying moves us away from helplessness and gives us a sense of control and comfort.

Throughout these conversations and activities, listen with your heart to the Goddess, your Gods, totem spirits, and the people in your group. Be sensitive to where they are and their past experiences. Create a safe atmosphere for people to delve into and discuss the topic of death and dying. Be prepared for crying and laughing. Have tissue and comfort foods at the ready. But most importantly, have an open and caring heart.

These are some activities to get your group talking about death in a serious but non-threatening manner.

Next-of-kin varies slightly from state to state, but is generally determined in the following order:

Knowing who is your legal next-of-kin is important in determining your arrangements. If you have made no legal arrangements for end-of-life health care (often called an advance directive) or for disposition of your body after death (burial, cremation, or donation), your next-of-kin is the only one legally authorized to make such decisions. In some cases and in some states, there may be legal wrangling between interested parties (a surviving spouse vs. parents). Whether or not you want your next-of-kin to handle your arrangements, it is always better to have everything in writing before you need it.

There is a lot of information about yourself, your affairs, and the people close to you that you will want keep in one place. This will help those who are making arrangements after you die. Appendix A provides a list of questions and information to write down as you prepare your wills, advance directive, and funeral arrangements.

An advance directive is a document that allows you to state what medical treatment you wish to accept and refuse in the event that can no longer make your own medical decisions, and appoint an agent to make such decisions for you if you cannot speak for yourself. Without a formal advance directive, your family (and your doctors and the courts) is left uncertain as to your wishes and may make decisions on life-support based on their values and beliefs, rather than your own.

Each state’s laws and definitions for advance directives are slightly different. For state-specific forms, instructions, and definitions regarding advance directives, Partnership for Caring is a great resource.

Human beings tend to accumulate possessions during the course of their lives. When you die, these things do not magically disappear, nor do your friends and relatives know how you want them distributed. Without a legal will, arguments can (and usually will) erupt over what to do with your possessions, and since you are not around anymore, you can’t settle the fight.

There are many ways to make your will. Office supply stores usually have a do-it-yourself kit with instructions and a standardized form. There are also on-line resources available, such as www.legacywriter.com. A lawyer can also help you draw up your will. Pre-Paid Legal Services, Inc. has a questionnaire they send all their members to help them draw up a legal will. In some states, a fully hand-written, signed will is legal. Always check with a lawyer about your state’s requirements.

In addition to our mundane property (house, car, computer, furniture, clothes, etc.), many Pagans have ritual tools, books, jewelry, and altar pieces that have been magickally charged or hold special meaning. Please, please, please, write down what you want to happen to these objects. You might put the following in a magickal will, or include it in your legal will. Also include who you want to handle these special arrangements.

Like all physical things, the body begins to decompose, or break down into its elements, when the soul or life force of the person leaves it. Most people are only familiar with dead bodies through the gruesome images of late-night horror movies or the current spate of forensic science detective shows. However, understanding the process through which nature reclaims and recycles our bodies can lessen our fear and/or repulsion of ‘dead things.’

The process and speed of decomposition is influenced by a variety of environmental conditions, such as ambient temperature and humidity, and the presence of bacteria, insects and other animals. Other factors include whether the body has undergone embalming, at which depth the body is buried, and what type of container in which it is buried. Typically modern measures taken to preserve the body only last a very short time-just enough for a viewing and funeral. Sealed caskets and vaults actually speed up the anaerobic (no oxygen required) decomposition process and do not allow for the body to be reintegrated into the environment.

When the heart stops beating and the lungs stop breathing, blood is no longer circulated through the body and the cells begin to die. Blood drains from the upper surfaces which turn pale, and collects in the lower surfaces which turn darker (the skin may look bruised). The muscles relax totally, and the body’s temperature begins to drop. Anaerobic cellar activities continue, leading to a build-up of lactic acid in the muscle tissue, which causes the muscles to stiffen (rigor mortis) about three hours after death occurs.

After one day, the skin contracts making it appear that the hair and nails continue to grow after death, and the body is room temperature to the core. It is by this time, if the body is not to be embalmed, that it should be refrigerated. Refrigeration and/or embalming can delay decomposition for a viewing of the body and funeral.

If left alone after two days, rigor mortis relaxes and the internal cells die, leaving the body incapable to fighting off bacteria. The cells’ own enzymes and bacterial activity cause the muscles and internal organs to begin decomposing. The decomposition of the soft tissues is a wet, messy, gassy process. If the body is buried in the ground and accessible to nature’s decomposers (insects, bacteria, fungi, small ground animals, plants, and water), then after ten years only bones will be left. The soft tissues will have been returned to their basic elements and reabsorbed into the food chain.

You have three main options for what happens to your body after you die-burial, cremation, and medical donation. Within each of these options lie many variations depending upon your funeral wishes. Because it is so easy to overspend yourself and your family into debt when making funeral arrangements, I have focused on ways to make the disposition less a financial burden. For more in-depth information about body disposition options, consult The Funeral Consumers Alliance at www.funerals.org.

Embalming is common only in the U.S. and Canada. Most other countries practice direct burial or cremation. It is considered a desecration of the body by some religions, and other religions that endorse cremation have no need for embalming. The funeral industry in America promotes embalming and viewing as a ‘traditional’ means to ‘show proper respect for the body.’ However, this tradition is only about 150 years old.

Embalming of the body is not a legal requirement in the District, Maryland, or Virginia. However, if you decide to make funeral arrangements through a funeral home and you want a viewing of the body, then you will be required by the funeral home to have the body embalmed. That is their policy, or they won’t allow the body to be viewed during the funeral. If you do not opt for embalming, the funeral will need to take place more quickly than if you do, or you will need to pay extra for refrigeration.

Funeral directors may tell you that embalming is necessary for disinfecting and preserving the body. This can be misleading as most dead bodies are harmless unless the person died of a highly contagious disease. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, embalming provides no public health benefit. Actually the person was probably more contagious before they died when they were breathing and coughing out pathogens.

Embalming is an invasive procedure in two major steps: first, the blood is drained from the body and a formaldehyde-based fluid is pumped through the arteries; and second, bodily fluids are aspirated (sucked up) from the body cavity and the embalming fluid is pumped into the internal organs. What happens to the blood? It is mixed with embalming chemicals and put down a drain into the sewer system.

Embalming does make sense if a family must go through a funeral home, has to wait a few days before the funeral, and wants a viewing of the body. A more intensive form of embalming is necessary if one’s body is donated intact to a medical school for research and educational purposes. But because the formaldehyde and other toxic chemicals used in the embalming process make reintegration into the elements of nature more difficult and have an adverse environmental impact (embalmers are required by OSHA to wear a respirator and full-body covering), I advocate for direct burial or cremation without viewing at the funeral, or a home funeral within three days of death with the body refrigerated over dry ice.

If one chooses burial in a cemetery, they will need to research and determine the following costs and options.

In established cemeteries, they will mostly likely pay for the burial lot (the price of which can vary widely even within the same cemetery), excavation of the lot, a grave liner or vault, the marker/headstone/memorial, and ‘perpetual care.’ Municipal cemeteries are less expensive than privately owned ones. Veterans, their spouses, and children may be eligible for burial in a national cemetery. In one lives in a more rural area surrounding the DC metropolitan area, establishing a family burial plot or being buried on their own land may be permissible-check the local zoning ordinances and get the paperwork in order before the need arises.

Many cemeteries have restrictions on when a body can be buried (with some days restricted for visitation only), the type and size of markers, and whether a grave liner or vault must be used. Grave liners and vaults are only used to prevent the ground from sinking when the body and casket completely decompose. They do not protect or preserve the body-a common misconception. A grave liner is usually much less expensive.

The Memorial Society of Northern Virginia publishes a survey of funeral and cemetery costs every other year for its members. The cost ranges and averages quoted in both this and the cremation section are taken from their cemetery survey of 2002 and their funeral cost survey of 2003. While the survey only covers Northern Virginia, prices are most likely equitable throughout the DC metropolitan area.

Immediate burial: $650 - $2275; average $1505

Standard funeral: $1780 - $4655; average $3243

Casket: $395 - $25,000

Ground burial: $1850 - $15,915

(includes lot, liner, and excavation)

Marker: $595 up; many around $1500

Cremation does not preclude a funeral. One can choose to go through a funeral home, have a funeral, and then be cremated, or to have a funeral director only help with the legal paperwork and then have a direct cremation (no funeral). Often people and families who choose cremation will have a memorial service held later for friends and loved ones of the deceased.

Some things to consider with cremation are the type of casket to use, preparation of the body, legal requirements, costs, and the nature of “cremains” (cremated remains or ashes).

Most crematories require the body to be delivered and cremated in a closed, rigid, combustible container. This can be as simple as a thick corrugated cardboard box sold especially for the purpose or a plain wooden box. When buying a casket, you will need to ask to see the ‘alternative containers.’ Funeral directors are reluctant to show families these less expensive containers and may make disparaging remarks about ‘showing the proper respect and love of the deceased.’ Be sure to choose a casket that does not contain any plastic, metallic, or synthetic materials.

Remember to remove all jewelry and valuables from the body before cremation. They will be destroyed in the process. Dental gold does not contain enough gold to pay for removal. During the cremation process, it either evaporates or melts into small irretrievable pellets. If the deceased wore a pacemaker, it is very important to have it removed prior to cremation as it can explode during the process and cause severe damage to the equipment (for which the family will then be responsible financially).

Cremation usually requires written prior instructions by the deceased or authorization from all next-of-kin. When the deceased is taken to the crematory, legal transit documentation, cremation authorization by the next-of-kin, and the authorization from the crematory must accompany the body.

Modern crematories are equipped with after-burners and air-scrubbers to prevent air pollution. If keeping the air clean is important to you, then ask the crematory if they are so equipped.

Once the cremation process is finished, the remains are not just ash-they are a combination of ash and bone fragments. Most crematories will pulverize the remains before returning them to the family. If the ashes will be scattered, the family should ask that they be pulverized to a fine ashy texture. Scattering the ashes is legal in the District, Maryland, and Virginia.

Direct cremation: $500 - $1850; average $1296

Urns: $20 (for a ‘temporary’ cardboard or plastic container) - $3000

Internment in a niche in a columbarium: $800 - $38,000; many around $1500 - $2000

Most medical schools and hospitals have an urgent need for body and organ donations for education, research, and transplants. Many people consider themselves organ donors because they have checked the box when getting their driver’s license. Unfortunately, a few extra steps must be taken to actually have their organs or body be donated as they intend.

The first step is to print out, complete, sign, and carry a Uniform Donor Card. See Appendix B for a copy of one. Even if you have a UDC, you must inform your next-of-kin of your decision to donate as the medical staff at the hospital will need to be informed and will need their permission to harvest your organs quickly enough to do good.

Organ and body donation is free and completely private. You cannot sell your body to the highest bidder. It is illegal for any institution to buy your body or organs; you must donate them. Both your privacy and that of the recipient of your organs is kept. They will never know who you are, and you will never know who they are.

Donation of your body to a medical school will require embalming to keep your body from decomposing. Medical embalming is far more extensive than funeral embalming and with refrigeration, the body can be kept for up to two years. You can also authorize that an autopsy be performed on your body for education and training purposes. This requires no embalming and is a great service to medical schools.

Bodies can be rejected for a variety of reasons, including, but not limited to, contagious or disfiguring disease, amputation or missing limbs, and extreme age of the deceased.

Bodies are cremated after use. If the family wants the cremated remains returned, they should inform the medical school of their wish at the time of donation.

Funerals and memorial services function to help the spirit of the dead make the transition between life and death, and to help the family and friends of the dead to mourn their loss while celebrating their memories and the life of the person who has died. Funeral traditions vary considerably by culture and religion. As clergy you may wear many hats during this time-explaining the religious beliefs of the dead to non-Pagan family who may not have known or approve, comforting friends and family, and perhaps mourning yourself. You may be asked questions about Pagan views on death, dying, and what happens after. This is not the time for your own agenda. Again, empathy and common sense are your best friends.

Families may want to take care of their loved one’s body and the funeral arrangements themselves. If you are able, offer to help with any logistical arrangements that you, as one not of the family, can-making phone calls, mobilizing the help of the community, officiating the service, and acting as liaison with the funeral home.

If you are discuss death education with your group/grove/coven/kindred, talking about funerals and making arrangements in advance should be on your agenda. Have them talk about and write down their wishes. Encourage them to open this topic for discussion with their legal or blood families as well, as it will be they who decide what happens to their kin’s body.

Also encourage them to be realistic and thoughtful in their plans. A Pagan may dream of a full Viking ship burning, but it may be unfeasible if she/he lives in downtown DC. Another may want a big party with festive polka music, but the circumstances of their death and the sensitivities of their family and friends may make such a service even more painful emotionally.

Some people find that sitting vigil with the body for a short time before it is taken away allows them to say final good-byes and to release the spirit. It is a time of peace before the bustle of filling out paperwork, making funeral arrangements, etc. Some people find comfort in washing the body as a purification and an active way to show their love for the dead.

Close family members or friends can gather to change the sheets and clothes, brush the hair, position the body, and air out the room before allowing others to visit. This is a sign of respect for the dead, who would probably not want to be seen in disarray when alive, much less dead.

Depending on the location, candles and incense may be burned. A sense of quiet is important as those close to the deceased take this time to meditate and witness the life that has gone.

Sitting vigil for an extended time is usually not possible if death occurred in the hospital or in an accident. However, some time should be given to the family before the body is rushed away and the room turned over for a new patient.

The difference between a funeral and a memorial service is the presence or absence of the remains. A person can decide to have one or both. What often happens when death occurs in the Pagan community is the family holds a funeral in their own religious tradition while the Pagans hold a memorial service later to honor the spirit, grieve and remember in their own way and with the traditions that were important to the deceased.

A rite of the dead is a time for both sadness and joy-we mourn because we have lost a good friend or family member, and we celebrate the influence that person had on our lives. When coordinating a funeral or memorial service, look to traditions and ritual actions that are important to both the deceased and the living. Incorporate favorite songs and poems, writings by the deceased, and remembrances by the living. The Pagan Book of Living and Dying is a good resource for contemporary neo-Pagan rites.

And remember, the display of emotion is okay. As clergy you can help people feel comfortable in expressing their emotions, shedding their tears, laughing about some joke that the deceased told them.

Some families may want to be more involved in the final arrangements and do not want to go through a funeral home. This is possible in many places and organizations on both the East and West coasts exist to help families do this. I recommend Crossings (www.crossings.net) based out of Silver Spring, MD as a local resource for learning more about home funerals, as well as and Lisa Carlson’s book Caring for the Dead.

Home funerals are best done with family and community support. You don’t want to go this route alone-there is some paperwork involved and because most people do go through a funeral home, the county registrars sometimes are not eager to deal directly with families. Home funerals usually need to happen more quickly than those in a funeral home-within three days of death, depending on the climate. In the middle of summer, the body will start to decompose more quickly than in the winter. Rather than embalming, packing dry ice under and around the body can lengthen the time before burial or cremation.

In the metropolitan area, home burial (i.e. in your backyard or garden) is not an option. If a family chooses to handle these arrangements themselves, the options are burial in a cemetery (public or private) or cremation.

More research still needs to be done on local crematoria in the DC metropolitan area that will take a body from the family and which jurisdictions will allow the family to file paperwork without the funeral director. This is not meant to discourage you from this option, but to encourage people within the local Pagan community to band together to create a local Pagan funeral committee to do this research, compile and make accessible this information, and provide voluntarily services to the community, such as advising and helping the family to make their own arrangements.

In addition to the ritual and communal aspects of grieving and remembering the dead, the family and/executor of the deceased’s estate needs to take care of a host of mundane details, including, but not limited to, obtaining certified copies of the death certificate, closing bank and credit accounts, and informing utilities and mail service. Also during this time, the family and close friends may need extra attention from clergy and the community, while they continue to process the death emotionally.

The attending physician, or medical examiner if the death was unexpected, will complete and sign the medical cause of death on the death certificate. A family member or their representative should review this section to ensure that it is completed correctly. Personal information about the deceased will be filled in by the funeral director, or person acting as such. The information listed in Appendix A covers all the information needed for this task and makes it much easier on the informant. The certificate will be filed at the local registrar in the jurisdiction in which death occurred. Usually the funeral director, or person acting as such, will take care of this matter. If it is not a “funeral service licensee” or licensed funeral director, the person filing will need to be someone of the immediate family or their legal representative. The definition of “legal representative” will vary by jurisdiction. If a family is planning to make the funeral arrangements without a licensed funeral director, they should contact the appropriate office (listed below in Section 7).

The executor of the will should obtained several certified copies of the death certificate. These can be ordered through the Vital Records division (usually under the state department of health) for between $10 and $20 a copy. Credit card accounts should be closed and banks holding any financial accounts of the deceased should be notified within a week of death. In order to close, cancel, or draw on any bank or credit accounts, the executor will need to call the financial institutions for specific instructions. Most will require a certified copy of the death certificate and a copy of the legal will.

Utilities (electric, gas, water, trash pick-up) and other services (internet and mobile phone providers and the post office) should be informed of the death and arrangements should be made for paying any accrued balances, and future mail delivery.

Memorial societies are local non-profit consumer education groups that collect and distribute information about funeral options and costs. The societies in the metro DC region are operated by volunteers. Membership in these societies is very low-cost - between $20 and $30 for a lifetime membership. Member benefits can include advice for planning a funeral or memorial service, results of annual cost surveys of the local funeral industry, and living will forms. Each society in the DC area has slightly different benefits - call or check their web sites for more specific information. The three local memorial societies have overlapping areas they serve.

Because laws and regulations change, and most people use the services of the funeral industry, local registrars and county clerks may not be familiar with the regulations or be comfortable with the idea of families caring for their own dead. Be smart and check all the regulations prior to the time of need, and be considerate of the county employees by calling in advance when you need to work with them, especially in filing the legal paperwork. Death certificates are filed in the county in which the person died, not in their county of residence.

Carlson, Lisa. Caring for the Dead: Your Final Act of Love. Upper Access Book Publishers: 1998.

Goodman, Arnold. A Plain Pine Box: A Return to Simple Jewish Funerals and Eternal Traditions. KTAV Publishing House: 2003.

Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth. On Death and Dying. Scribner: 1997.

Morgan, Ernest and Jenifer. Dealing Creatively with Death: A Manual of Death Education and Simple Burial. 14^th edition. Upper Access Book Publishers: 2001.

Starhawk, M. Macha NightMare, and the Reclaiming Collective. The Pagan Book of Living and Dying: Practical Rituals, Prayers, Blessings, and Meditations on Crossing Over. Harper Collins: 1997.

Write or type all of the following information in one document. This information will be useful for completing death certificates, writing obituaries, informing important friends and family of your death, and making your arrangements. You can also use this list to help you decide what and who to include in your will.

Make copies for your health care proxy/agent, the executor of your will, your lawyer, and yourself. Some of this information is sensitive - do not give out this information if you are not comfortable doing so, but do have a complete copy of this list somewhere and let the executor of your will know the location. Do not keep the official copy in your safety deposit box as these are sealed upon your death and not opened until after your estate is probated. It is a good idea to date this list and review it every couple of years.

You should also have a copy of your advance directive (either living will or durable power of attorney), your legal will, your magickal will, and written body disposition and funeral wishes. I keep my copy in a moisture-proof container in the freezer.

Provide the names, addresses, and phone numbers of the following people: